Dream Fragments

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I’ve learned to pay attention to those dream fragments that accompany me into my waking day. They inform me about myself in a deeper way. This morning I woke up from dreams of cats I used to have.

Cats came to me in my twenties, and quite literally were my salvation from giving up on allowing my heart to open and awaken.

The first one was a “Four Wheel Drive” cat with a couple extra toes on each foot named simply Gray Kitty. Gray Kitty came to live in the house with me, and prior to giving birth to her first litter, she demanded through incessant meowing that I stay by her side. Midwife to a cat. We had a farm, so I was not worried about spaying and neutering, as we had plenty of food for them all.

Time went on, and one of Gray Kitty’s daughters who was my special favorite, got hit by a car. I truly believe that her spirit guided her kittens to my door, and I undertook to raise them. K-Mar is the special brand of milk for orphaned kittens, and an old syringe from vaccinating the cows became their baby bottle. I laugh even now as I remember three of four kittens clawing their way up my legs as the fourth one was having its turn at the bottle! And those tiny claws were sharp!

The memory for me is this: Love never dies or goes away, although I might have shut my heart down from perceiving it. Events in my early life had left me with so much emotional pain that I simply did not want to deal with that any more. Repression is one way of escaping all that. But somehow – on a divine wind – the cats came to me and kept my heart open and awake, and I found my road through one thing or another.

I have become aware of this: That the road to enlightenment is usually not a great big “AHA!” moment under a Boddhi tree like the Buddha is said to have had. I am not a Buddha. But I am a student of Yggdrasil and the GNG – Goddesses of the Nitty Gritty. Through a process of descents and ascents to the Root and the Crown of the Tree I have had any number of small epiphanies – personal “AHA!” moments that have gotten me to such point of enlightenment as I have today. And this can be said about anybody.

We are both nobody special and at the same time so extraordinarily special. It’s that point of the Mystery where we are both empty and full, and each are states we shall experience during our lifetime. This becomes even more true for those of us who set out, sometimes quite unwittingly, on the path toward self knowledge. There will be a moment, usually during youth or young adulthood, where something so strange, so magnificent, and yet so ordinary, will catch your attention in the most extraordinary way, and you will be hooked into the very thing that transforms your life. Your life may become guided by such moments. And this is something that very few people will understand. But it is your life, and your moment.

Published by susanofthenorth

Susan Hintz Epstein is an author, Rune diviner, healer, non-academic scholar, and former Methodist Lay Speaker who was called by the Runes in 2013. The time since then has been a serpentine shedding of one skin for another, as Susan's spiritual practice with the Runes and the World Tree, Yggdrasil, deepened. Susan keeps company with the Norns and other like-minded women.

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