Returning to a true yes and a true no

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I’ve heard it said that on the path of life we will cycle around our learning three times, as youth, as adult, as crone. The threads of memory do seem to unfold this way, and today I found myself returning to my time in the Gurdjieff Work for the questions that arose for me today. I have been trying to correlate Thomas Karlsson’s triads with Gurdjieff’s triads, which really do seem to fall into the same category. The question which arose for me today was about false personality, which is all about how people see themselves, in ways that are mostly imaginary and ornamental rather than actual, and I ended up typing some of P. D. Ouspensky’s words on the topic into my journal so that I would have access to them for my own work toward self-mastery.

The topic that caught my interest was on self-remembering. I wondered how often I really do practice this, and whether I could hold the practice while moving, or whether I must sit still. So I set myself to the question, and indeed I could, and did, and answered still other questions for myself out of the experience. I found that there is an energy that returns to my “self” as I continue the practice which brings me into an extraordinary state of presence. I am grateful as after many years of ruthless effort and struggle with certain aspects of my conditioned arising, something comes back to me. But it is not enough. It is never enough.

Can I learn to live always and in everything from my “authentic” self? Can I trust myself to live always in a state of trust and vulnerability? Can I count on my own ability to give a true yes or a true no to anything asked of me without considering any perceived need to please anyone or identifying with emotions that separate me from true liberation and inner freedom? Am I even asking the right questions?

Let the right kind of doubt raise me toward right thought. Let conscience always keep me in harmony with right action. And let hope, faith, and love of consciousness keep me in the right direction.

Published by susanofthenorth

Susan Hintz Epstein is an author, Rune diviner, healer, non-academic scholar, and former Methodist Lay Speaker who was called by the Runes in 2013. The time since then has been a serpentine shedding of one skin for another, as Susan's spiritual practice with the Runes and the World Tree, Yggdrasil, deepened. Susan keeps company with the Norns and other like-minded women.

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