Some days, like yesterday, it is hard for me to dig up any ambition. Christmas break is a period of rest for me any way, from my day job of school bus driving. But I have individual plans that I would like to utilize my time for and when I have a day that demands rest, those things don’t get done.
There have been many times in my life where the familiar has dropped away and I am left sitting with unfamiliar emptiness. It’s hard to describe, and in the past I’ve rushed to fill it up with something new. I’m not rushing. I’m using this unfamiliarity to do my best to get confident with uncertainty.
What does it mean to walk in my own power? I am slowly coming out of a month long period of avoiding social media to go within and explore this next phase of my life. I was losing so much of myself and my daily connection to “me” time in the “Chatty Kathy” syndrome of feeling a need to comment here and there, especially on Facebook, and I knew I needed a time out for self-imposed silence.
When I am not connecting to Source for clients or putting my personal best into my day job, I find great connection for my own self and true restfulness in the simple act of maintaining my household. My husband and I have developed routines that are mutually sustaining and give each other a break. For example, I will make the Saturday morning breakfast and take care of the kitchen cleanup, walk the dog, and then take stock of this day’s particular chores. On Sunday mornings, he makes a luxurious breakfast of Huevos Rancheros, one of our very favorite dishes, that he discovered on a vacation to Mexico’s Yucatan Peninsula. These are our “comfort” days.
I think it is time to EXORCISE that vicious old spirit of depression. After four days of feeling empty, bluer than blue, and gray myself, I decided it was past time to call upon what I know to be true and restore myself to a sense of well being. I have been feeling the lack of CONNECTION to those things that make me truly happy and well-adjusted, so I took a few moments to center and ground myself. I know that these states of being come and go, so I did not want to identify with the spirit of depression, and thereby hang on to it.
This New Moon in Libra has brought a lot of Norn energy in for me. In fact I took a broom to my kitchen this morning to sweep out harm and entanglements and bring in new energy. Sweeping is a very old tradition for women, and I was honoring that today. Then I went and began the process of raking leaves. I want my home and land sparkling for the changing seasons. I want a new start. It has been a year of challenges and good things too, especially in relation to people I love. Alan and I had time for the garden and for improving our home. The fact that so many people have been lost to COVID-19 has been an inspiration to me to let go of the shit that no longer serves me, and deepen my relationships with the people I love and the Gods.
Not all who wander are lost. Some of us are just wondering as we wander, guided by an inner compass no one else can see.
This morning I could have slept in, but the job has me waking up early now. Since I didn’t have to rush out the door to drive, I spent that delicious slow time coming awake with thoughts of gratitude for the life that I have. Summer is phasing into Autumn. Tinges of sadness strike meContinue reading “Changing Seasons, Changing Attitudes”
This morning I woke up early. I had been dreaming of light, and I was also fully aware of my body, as the sciatica I have been working so hard to stay fit and on top of, was disturbing my sleep. So I tuned in to my body. Attention to sensory awareness is something my Gurdjieff mentor Donald Petacchi used to call Intentional Sensation. Intentional sensation is a useful tool both to ground my spirit in my body and to become aware of what is going on within my body.
When there is no comparative judgment, there is no more need to be right. Goodbye, Blame! When I acknowledge how much other people know, there is no more need to know everything. Bye bye, Know It All! When i honor my own divinity, I can honor the divinity in all other beings.